Naive

Lately, I find myself waiting to grow up, waiting to drop old habits, waiting to move on- just waiting for the end of the “innocence” in my life. Naive by definition means ‘a lack of experience’ or ‘innocent’. As a child, when you do something wrong and your parents find out, you usually get into some sort of trouble and get sent to your room where you pout for the remainder of the day or atleast until the next meal. As an adult, I still make mistakes and I accept the consequences of my actions, but I still go to my room and pout or cry about whatever I did. God forgives us so easily for the mistakes we’ve made - big or small, but we just can’t ever seem to forgive ourselves for what we’ve done. So we punish ourselves by becoming an outcast in society and we stay in our rooms until we get someone’s attention. I believe God seeks us out during these times - while we’re at our weakest to show us how strong he is.

”..and out of the ashes, love will be realized.”

Take care.

It's a small crime and I've got no excuse.

Is that alright with you?

But kid I'm a pilot, it's all I believe in.

5 days, 18 hours, 14 minutes and 50 seconds until I'm on my way to New York City and I'm so ready. I've been checking the weather everyday and when I checked today it predicted snow showers for the 19th and 20th. If it snows while we're there I'm going to lose my mind from happiness. Christmas + New York City + Snow... possibly the best combination there is, just sayin. Oh and of course Jake and Travis will be there too, so definetly the ultimate combo. I'm also excited just because I'll be getting out of Jacksonville for a bit, which is always a good feeling. On another note, it kind of sucks to end friendships but I just have to keep in mind that a one way friendship isn't really a friendship. One person doing all the work isn't how its supposed to be. But oh well, people change. Thats all for now.

Take care.

It's the same old things that drive us here and never go away.

I often think that I love too easy. Like when you get new clothes, you want to wear them everyday and everywhere you go. When I find a new friend, I almost instantly want to be their best friend and hang out with them everyday and go everywhere with them. This becomes a problem when in the middle of hanging out with them, you start asking yourself if they are getting tired of you. Which leads you to start slowly backing off from the friendship and eventually talking yourself out of being their friend. I always think the worst and worry about everything. Sorry if this doesn't make any sense. I'm also sorry if you are a victim of this. Please know that I'm trying my best to not be so clingy. I just don't want to lose my friends.

Take care.

Have I found you flightless bird? Jealous? Weeping?

Where to begin? So much has happened since last time...but like a moth to the flame, I'm here. To start, I have lost a love in my life that will never be shown to me again, my Nana. No one will love me as much as she does and like I said in my last entry, there was celebration in her passing. I finally got a job. I now work at Planet Smoothie and so far it's not too bad. I work by myself most of the time so it gets kind of lonely. Myself, Jake and Travis will be going to New York City this Christmas and I couldn't be more excited and impatient. Enough about the past and future, let's talk present.

Many of my friends are now married and several have gotten engaged in the past 5 months. I think I'm starting to feel the effects of being one of the 'single' friends. Everyone I know is either getting married or engaged or dating or about to date and I feel it's only going to get worse as time flies by.

I've been purposely removing myself from friendships lately. Coming to the realization that I am the one in most of my friendships keeping the relationship going has really been difficult for me because I love the people in my life but I often don't receive the same love and affection back. I'm just tired of trying; I can't do it anymore. I only hope the people I'm talking about are reading this and maybe putting things together.

Also, it's November 1st..can it please start feeling like it's November 1st instead of June 1st?

Take Care.

Hold Your Fire

Tonight I helped my grandma get in her bed. She's been having pains in her feet for the past month and has been taking medication to help the pain. As I was lifting her out of her chair all she kept talking about was how Oscar, her dog, knew that something was wrong with her and knew that she wasn't supposed to be like this. After listening and helping her more I realized that I will not be sad when she dies. She 'wants the Lord to take her' and now that I know that's what she wants, I will be alright when she passes whenever that may be.

I am thoroughly excited for our show on Friday. Now that we have a full band I feel like we can finally move on with everything and make great music. I love this band with all my heart. I thank God everyday for music and what it means in my life.

Take care.

This has got to die..

Do you have something wrong with you? Don't you know that the lies you tell affect the people around you? Do you even care? Of course you don't. I'm so tired of the world and all of the masks that come along with it. I need someone to tell me the truth for once. I'm not mad at you, I feel sorry for you in that you will never earn my trust again.

Take care.

Faded From the Winter

I can't help but think that change is happening again. This time I feel like I don't belong anywhere. It's like I'm stuck in the middle of something big thats going to happen and something that has happened that I would never want to happen again. That probably doesn't make any sense to you and if it does, you must feel as lonely as I do. I know I'm not alone, I just feel lonely. Everyone around me seems to have someone or a group of friends they can go to for anything. I don't know, maybe I'm crazy or maybe it's because I'm listening to Iron and Wine and writing this. Either way something has to change and maybe it's me.

Take care.